The Rob Gallery -Original Paintings

Original Mixed Media & Collage Paintings by k.e.ROBinson ***please subscribe below for NEW ArtWork updates!***

Friday, July 21, 2006

Girls will be Girls

The Rob Gallery
Survival requires almost a different state of consciousness. Different type of thinking.

Seems simple: get a job so that I can save enough to rent somewhere to live. Completely stupid that I can't do that. Would be hard to hold down a job when you haven't got an address, but not impossible. Because I could carry on living in car, parking in hospital carpark in mornings and using the showers there to get washed and changed in, until I can save enough to get place of my own. But because haven't worked for almost two years now, no-one will give me a job. Not even the type of job you don't need qualifications for. Suppose there must be too many people wanting those. Have been signed up to three email job search sites since September. Everything from vacancies for basic filing and reception work, to retail, to qualified solicitor comes through my inbox everyday. Fire CV off for all the ones I might have reasonable chance at these days. Try to be focussed and realistic, but always end up sending lots off. Some days feel like I could do anything, other days need to run back and hide in my car - days when I'm totally lost without the comfort of trees. Apply for mostly receptionist or call centre jobs, which would be perfect while I adjust back into things and try to get back on my feet. Have never even got to the interview stage yet though, not with a single one.

Can't go to job centre etc. because they don't know that I am homeless. The same with the Housing Advice people. They won't even switch on their computers or talk to me until I tell them my address. But I obviously can't do that, because they can't know that I don't have one. If they find out, I risk loosing my money, and then it's all over. Because to get benefit money in the first place I am using my old address. I know that is wrong, but if they knew I was living nowhere they would stop it. Immediately. Then I would be left to the wolves — or have to go in and register as 'of no fixed abode' and go queue up with all the other homeless people every week, or get nothing — which, at the moment, feels about the same thing to me. I just can't bring myself to do it. Whenever I think that I might have to, that I've got to the stage where I can't do it on my own anymore and can't put off getting help, and will have to swallow the rest of my pride and go and register as of 'no fixed abode' I just panic. Feels like one trauma too many.

Think my spirit would be crushed, finally and completley, if I had to do that. The fear of that might be irrational, but it is very real to me, and almost overwhelming — the fear of being recognised by all of the other destitute people in the local area, and all the random fears that come from that. I don't feel able to look out for myself enough yet. Just because I can read and write, and have a degree, doesn't mean I can hold my own in situations with other people in these circumstances. I'm no longer the person I was, can't do the things she did anymore. Why don't people understand that...why do they still give me such a hard time? I can barely cope some days, unless I can dissappear for long periods into books — or now that I've discovered this blog then blogging. The added fear of knowing that other vulnerable, distressed people in the area may follow me, or discover where I am, would be too much. Unendurable anxiety. Not condemning all the others, definitely not...humbling, eye-opening journey this past year, so no... we are all vulnerable individuals in same boat; but we differ in our means of escape: huge stereotypes, but mine is through books ( can't allow myself even a drink these days, have to keep wits about me, and don't trust myself to drink alone — mostly don't trust myself to stop) and their's is probably mostly through drink or drugs. Darker more agressive pursuits, more unpredictable results. Which is why I can't be with them, or recognised by them. And which is why I won't go to the authorities and get locked up with all that. Ergo, here I am, still here, still here in this punishing cold. So it's a hell of my own making. I know that. I accept it. But I can only cope with so much at a time, and this way, at least I am still desperately trying to cling to my dignity, and to what's left of my sanity. And I'm hoping that one day I'll be needing them again.

Determined not to let it get me down too much. This is taking all that I have though — know I can't do it indefinitely.
Take mirror out and distract myself with plucking eyebrows. Want to laugh at the vanity of that, the ridiculousness of it in the middle of the woods, and in this kind of existence.........

This is the LAST collage on this series that I will be doing for now. I can see my work is taking a lighter turn. It's probably because I feel she is going to be all right. Read her book, "Abandoned". So now I'm drifting back into my old mindset...thanks Anya for your picturesque writing!

Blogging Keeps Me Anchored in Reality

The Rob Gallery
— to have this 'place' to come to to 'talk' anonymously about my homelessness, really helps. Some mornings, it's the only thing that gets me up and out of the laneway. I know I need to do more than this, and I am still emailing for jobs and am thinking more seriously about going to a women’s shelter or going to live 'away' somewhere, but right now while I'm still here in my car, this blog is the thing that is keeping me anchored in reality.

#? in this collage series inspired by the Wandering Scribe.
One more & then I am going to break for awhile!

Old Yellow Moon followed me all the way home!

The Rob Gallery
....the drive back was mostly silent. But in the wing mirror I kept the big ivory moon that was following us all the way home, in my sight — a bright ball of yellowy light, shrunken to the size of an eyeball in the wing mirror. Somehow it was reassuring having it always there in the mirror following us, whichever way the car turned.

A Collage Series Inspired by a homeless blogger.
She is writing a book to be published soon. Look for it... It's Titled Abandoned.

Wandering Scribe - a New Low

The Rob Gallery
For two whole days I had eaten nothing but pumpkin seeds, and some sour apples I had picked from a tree in the walled garden of a vacant house that I once found unlocked. Those apples were the nearest to theft I had come, and I was at my wits end. I locked the gate to the street behind me, and sat on the wet grass under the tree eating them weeping. It was a new low, and.....

This latest collage was inspired by a homeless blogger.
Not sure how many more I have in me...need to get back to my Art Doll,
he is starting to look so cool!

Thursday, July 20, 2006

To Unroll My Head Like a Carpet

The Rob Gallery
I am reading a homeless blog right now and being an artist, I am inspired by her writing.
titled "To UnRoll My Head Like a Carpet" #0413
This piece was inspired by the following passage.
"This blog is probably all that's keeping me sane right now. This and my car. Without them, don’t know what I’d do. My life is complete chaos and they are the only constants. I might not have a home, in the real world, or much of a hope, but coming day after day to type this — to unroll my head like a carpet and share with total strangers the things that I spend the rest of the time trying not to let anybody else see — to have this 'place' to come to to 'talk' anonymously about my homelessness, really helps."

See my homeless key?

The Rob Gallery
This is the passage that inspired this piece.
"That's the thing about all this time living in my car, I have changed so much. don't think I'd ever fit back into my old kind of life again, then again wouldn't really want to?... But when you're homeless fitting in becomes everything, all the little details...all I want to do is blend in, keep under the radar...I even found an old 'spare' key in glove box in car few months ago and put it on keyring, go round flashing it, put it on tables when sitting in cafes etc. keep lifting it up and playing with it, letting people see it — imaging it's proof that I'm not homeless, that everyone who sees it will think I must have a home to go back to, a front door somewhere to unlock, slam close behind me. Think they'd think that anyway...Maybe they do...maybe they don't?...makes me feel more normal though...less 'homeless'."

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Mad Seagull Eyes-Leave me alone!

The Rob Gallery-
Painting being my medium of expression, I was moved to do a series of collages based on the experiences of someone blogging about sleeping in their car and being homeless.
The words that inspired this piece, not word for word but, thinking about how un-safe she must feel and the MASK she must wear to protect herself from being known, are as follows:
Someone might follow me back and realise that I am the madwoman, who is living there alone in her car. I'm not, mad, but if anyone comes by I let them think I am, if they think you're mad they leave you alone. I try to visualise the enormous seagulls that used to land on the wooden tables outside cafe's, their mad, yellow eyes, swivelling with killer instinct, as they strutted about terrorising the tourists, daring them with those insane eyes to make one false move. When anyone walks past when I'm in the car I harden my face and think that look into my eyes.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

New Painting, Pineapple Grove was fun to paint!

Think I am going to do more like this. The canvas is smooth! Usually I texture my canvas pretty heavily so this was a nice change!
The architecture is made up from different buildings I walked past in Palm Beach. All original without plan! So I am happy with the way it turned out! I will have to keep it till I can do a similar one....when the architectural muse returns again!

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

ACEO Art Trade Cards ATC RED HAT Paintings

ACEO Art Trade Cards! ATC Red Hat Beach Babes!
Well, I am finally ready to auction off some of my art trade cards! These are from 2005 & I have 7 left to auction them one a day. I had planned to do a whole bunch in this series but, as usual I got bored & did not want to paint these any more! So I keep them because when they are gone I don't get to flip through them any more! But, I can't keep everything! Especially since I'm getting quite a collection of other artists! (these I will never sell!)

Monday, July 10, 2006

The Rob Gallery

OH NO! I Burned my Polymer Clay Art Doll!
I worked over 12 hours perfecting this doll! Including little finger nails & Painstaking time on the feet! The face was odd to say the least but, that was the intention (because I like the unusual). Well, I evidently baked it too long because now he is all black & bubblely! WAAAAAHHHH!!!

Saturday, July 08, 2006

Vintage paintings sold to tourists Florida highwaymen

Florida highwaymen art is fast becoming collectible!
Some more so than others as the talent varies.
These men sold paintings along side the road to tourist, hence the loosely tagged moniker, "highway men". An investment you can enjoy!
These are vintage from the 50's & 60's and so a part of Florida's history!
Plus, I know there is at least one of these Ft. Pierce artists still painting & selling!
He's on ebay, just search florida art!
There also are lots of other artists painting Florida's landscapes
do a search for Florida landscape on eBay!
You are sure to find an artist you'd like to collect!
Here's one of my latest.
Check out search kROB to find my work!

Collage & CHRISTmas Art

The Rob Gallery -
Trying to get motivated to paint some Christmas artwork by listening to Christmas cds & watching CHRISTmas movies!
Right now I'm working on collage & other altered art. This takes sooo much time & sticky fingers! At least glue is CLEAR, I usually have paint all over me!